The book called life

Life is a book. A book that you write and the world reads. Every page is different and has a new story to it. Just the handwriting can predict the feelings you have shared in those pages.

Some pages are scribbled in a hurry because we are so excited about the event that occurred.

On some pages we write with colorful pens because life feels like a rainbow.

Some are written in a beautiful and legible handwriting because the moment is special to us and we want everyone to know about its importance in our lives.

Some pages have ink blots, from the tears that we cry while writing about the difficult days.

Some pages have the scent of a perfume. It was like walking in a fragrant garden. Maybe someone will find an old rose in between them too.

Some pages are scratched out because we are confused what really happened and how exactly we should feel.

Somewhere there might be a feather wishing to be lucky, waiting for a miracle.

Some pages are left blank because we are so broken that we can’t find words to describe our feelings.

And then, some pages are torn. The worst days of our lives. The days we wish never occurred. The days we wish to erase from our lives, the ones we wish to forget.

In a fake world

So I did an experiment personally to find out whether I am just having a negative thinking or does the world is really after fakeness, ignoring the reality and real beauty of things.

Every one of us has a habit of putting up the best pictures on social media and then many of us receive friend requests and messages from unknown people. Messages that have compliments, or requests for friendships, or relationships, or sometimes even marriage. I have received many such requests and messages as well. I must say people use social media pretty well these days.

So the experiment was that I put up a profile picture of me without makeup. A totally natural look. A picture I had taken right after coming out of a spa after a cleansing treatment, so my face was extra clean. Honestly I love that picture a lot as my skin is glowing and I look totally fresh but well, I have no makeup in it. Not even a single trace of makeup, no fakeness, at all. The picture was up for about three weeks and I didn’t receive a single request or message during that tenure.

This confirmed my thought as to how attracted people are towards fakeness. A person is considered beautiful and good only when he/she is dressed up well and having a perfect appearance. People fancy celebrities so much; people who are always having perfect makeup, and once they see a picture of anyone without makeup the whole perception changes. The comments that are:

“Oh she is so amazing!”

“Oh look how pretty she is!”

“Wow! He is so hot!”

suddenly get changed based on one picture without makeup. The comments that you hear then are:

“Eww, she is so ugly! How much makeup does she apply to look pretty?”

“Eww, look at her dark complexion!”

“Eww, look how bad her eyebrows are!”

Let’s take another example. Sometimes, we don’t wish to eat a specific food at home but when at a restaurant we would love to eat the same thing because it ‘looks’ better. The garnishing suddenly makes the same food seem tempting to our taste buds.

Let’s talk about words now. We get attracted to a person who acts nice to us, pushing unwanted compliments our way, acting sweet to us. On the other hand we run away from a person who would be brutally honest to us. Someone who would honestly say if a dress is not looking good on us, if a hairstyle doesn’t suit us.

Nothing really seems to be real in this world now. Where image filters are boosting, the reality of life is being lost. People don’t wish to see the real, don’t wish to hear the truth and hence don’t wish to be real as well.

Habits

Good or bad, we all have some habits. Some are developed intentionally while other we just adopt with time or by the company we have. Smoking, drinking, shopping, caring, loving, responsibility, punctuality arguing etc. are all habits.

No matter wherever we are or who is a part of our friends circle, we should always make sure we adopt the good habits and not the bad ones. But sometimes, somehow we take up habits that seem to bring happiness to us but it’s actually the opposite. We get so used to it that when we don’t have it we are unable to control ourselves. It’s like drugs for us, we form an addiction to it.

Sometimes, the addiction is a person. A friend, a companion, or a soul mate. We develop the habit of talking to that person, sharing life events, sharing happiness, sadness, smiles, laughter, tears and what not. We get into the habit of so much time with that person. Having tea, gossiping, shopping, ice-creams, dining out, and watching movies. Those heart to heart conversations late at night are probably the best moments spent with that person.

Then one day, life takes a turn. That person is no longer there. Alive, but out of your reach. Far, far away. That is the time when you realize how badly addicted you have become to that person and his/her presence. Every moment seems lifeless. You wish to talk to that person, share life details, how your day was, what made you smile, what made you angry; but that person is not there to listen.

After a hardship I learnt this lesson, never get addicted to a person because at times, when you need that person the most he is not there. Never make a habit to talk to anyone regularly, spend time with him that one day when he leaves, you feel like you have lost a very important part of your life. An experience that makes you feel incomplete; sometimes for the rest of your life.

About lies!

It’s been about three years since I read the book ‘Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult’. I didn’t find the book to be really amazing, and I don’t remember most of the story but this one quotation on the book cover remains with me forever.

I have always been a person who discourages lies and prefers to be told the truth, no matter how hurtful it is. Why should one lie in the first place? Isn’t saying the truth much easier, one doesn’t have to remember what he has said. When lieing, the person has to remember what he said, if forgotten, the truth will reveal.

Coming back to the quotation, why does it say about believing in the lie? It’s actually about believing in the person. Sometimes we trust someone to such a level that we believe whatever he/she must be saying is the truth. We refuse to believe their lies. That is how they cheat, that is where treachery takes birth.

I am thankful to my creator for blessing me with the ability to see beyond the lies. I know people so closely in my life that when they lie, I know it. I pretend to believe them because I have no proof at the time but the truth unfolds with time. Be it a week, a month, or a year, the truth is never hidden from me. I never doubt a person right away for the lies, maybe he/she was scared to hurt me and my happiness matters a lot to them. I always confront the person, some knowing my temper confess the truth while some try to cover their lies further.

When someone becomes a close friend or an important part of my life, I always warn the person. I warn him/her not to lie to me because I will find out. The person never believes that I have such a strong connection with my creator that he unveils the truth to me, and still tries to fool me. The result is that they lose an honest person from their life. I have always been a caring and loving person but once I find out a person is lieing, how can I ever trust again? And when there is no trust, there is no care and no love at all.

The most precious friends!

Summer 1997, my father introduced me to some friends. He knew I was a restless soul, wanting to talk, listen, learn, indulge in activities and never wanting to feel bored. Hence he thought these friends will the best for me. He knew I needed these friends for life, in every high and low moment of my life they will be there for me. They will guide me, they will make me laugh, they will make me cry, and they will support me whenever I feel down. They never laughed on my problems, they never made fun when I cry, and they were always present to give me a warm hug.

Parents often scold us when we spend too much money on friends but my father never said a word and willingly let me spend on these friends. He knew these are the loyal ones for life. He also asked me introduce all of my other friends to them, and I still do the same. Whenever I feel someone needs guidance, or a good laugh I introduce that person to one of these friends. These friends are great to have a coffee with, or a late night chit chat. Just a while with them and all the stress goes away.

These precious friends are none other than books.

Screaming inside

She is sitting in her office, concentrating on her work. She has lots of dreams, her spirits are high and she wants to conquer the world. She wants to be the best at everything she does. She wants to be applauded in front of the whole front. She wants to be appreciated. She loves being a happy and brining to smile to everyone’s faces. If she sees anyone tensed in the office, she asks with concern. If she finds it possible, she offers help with work.

The day suddenly changes for her. She feels trapped. She is unable to find an escape. Someone is banging a hammer hard on her head, another person is strangling her. She is losing her breath, palpitating. Her hands are shivering, she is sweating. She wants to scream out for help but she can’t find her voice. Her head in thumping with pain, her chest feels like a large piece of brick is placed over it. She wants to run away but she can’t move. She feels no strength in her body. She feels hopeless. She feels like a failure. She doesn’t want this but she can’t help it.

She finds the energy to get up and run to the toilet. There, in a closed space, with no one to see, and no one to hear, she cries her heart out. That’s what anxiety did to her. That’s what anxiety does to her, every time!

The few days of smile you gave me!

Dear lost friend,

You came into my life uninformed and gave me a few days of smile. I cannot thank you enough for it. Be it your annoying late night calls or ringing me up early in the morning on a weekend, I loved every bit of it. Why? Because it kept me smiling throughout the day. A little tired because of less sleep, but nevertheless, I was happy.

Most of our conversation was about you teasing me, but it never hurt me in any way. I found you to be a very different person; you never flirted and yet kept me smiling. I thought I found a friend to count on. Someone I could ask to take me out for ice cream if I was upset. Someone I could call and cry to during my worst days, because I knew that you would just tease me in your own style and make me laugh again.

It was a blissful week, and then you disappeared from my life. I could never figure out what went wrong. Did you find out something bad about me? Did I hurt you in any way? Was I not the kind of person you expected me to be? Have you been busy? Is something going on in your life? Lots of questions on my mind but no answers. I wanted to ask you what happened, why are you gone, but couldn’t find the courage to. Maybe I just accepted your decision of leaving. Maybe I am just used to it, people coming and leaving. But it just leaves a question everytime, where did I go wrong?