About lies!

It’s been about three years since I read the book ‘Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult’. I didn’t find the book to be really amazing, and I don’t remember most of the story but this one quotation on the book cover remains with me forever.

I have always been a person who discourages lies and prefers to be told the truth, no matter how hurtful it is. Why should one lie in the first place? Isn’t saying the truth much easier, one doesn’t have to remember what he has said. When lieing, the person has to remember what he said, if forgotten, the truth will reveal.

Coming back to the quotation, why does it say about believing in the lie? It’s actually about believing in the person. Sometimes we trust someone to such a level that we believe whatever he/she must be saying is the truth. We refuse to believe their lies. That is how they cheat, that is where treachery takes birth.

I am thankful to my creator for blessing me with the ability to see beyond the lies. I know people so closely in my life that when they lie, I know it. I pretend to believe them because I have no proof at the time but the truth unfolds with time. Be it a week, a month, or a year, the truth is never hidden from me. I never doubt a person right away for the lies, maybe he/she was scared to hurt me and my happiness matters a lot to them. I always confront the person, some knowing my temper confess the truth while some try to cover their lies further.

When someone becomes a close friend or an important part of my life, I always warn the person. I warn him/her not to lie to me because I will find out. The person never believes that I have such a strong connection with my creator that he unveils the truth to me, and still tries to fool me. The result is that they lose an honest person from their life. I have always been a caring and loving person but once I find out a person is lieing, how can I ever trust again? And when there is no trust, there is no care and no love at all.

The most precious friends!

Summer 1997, my father introduced me to some friends. He knew I was a restless soul, wanting to talk, listen, learn, indulge in activities and never wanting to feel bored. Hence he thought these friends will the best for me. He knew I needed these friends for life, in every high and low moment of my life they will be there for me. They will guide me, they will make me laugh, they will make me cry, and they will support me whenever I feel down. They never laughed on my problems, they never made fun when I cry, and they were always present to give me a warm hug.

Parents often scold us when we spend too much money on friends but my father never said a word and willingly let me spend on these friends. He knew these are the loyal ones for life. He also asked me introduce all of my other friends to them, and I still do the same. Whenever I feel someone needs guidance, or a good laugh I introduce that person to one of these friends. These friends are great to have a coffee with, or a late night chit chat. Just a while with them and all the stress goes away.

These precious friends are none other than books.

Screaming inside

She is sitting in her office, concentrating on her work. She has lots of dreams, her spirits are high and she wants to conquer the world. She wants to be the best at everything she does. She wants to be applauded in front of the whole front. She wants to be appreciated. She loves being a happy and brining to smile to everyone’s faces. If she sees anyone tensed in the office, she asks with concern. If she finds it possible, she offers help with work.

The day suddenly changes for her. She feels trapped. She is unable to find an escape. Someone is banging a hammer hard on her head, another person is strangling her. She is losing her breath, palpitating. Her hands are shivering, she is sweating. She wants to scream out for help but she can’t find her voice. Her head in thumping with pain, her chest feels like a large piece of brick is placed over it. She wants to run away but she can’t move. She feels no strength in her body. She feels hopeless. She feels like a failure. She doesn’t want this but she can’t help it.

She finds the energy to get up and run to the toilet. There, in a closed space, with no one to see, and no one to hear, she cries her heart out. That’s what anxiety did to her. That’s what anxiety does to her, every time!

The few days of smile you gave me!

Dear lost friend,

You came into my life uninformed and gave me a few days of smile. I cannot thank you enough for it. Be it your annoying late night calls or ringing me up early in the morning on a weekend, I loved every bit of it. Why? Because it kept me smiling throughout the day. A little tired because of less sleep, but nevertheless, I was happy.

Most of our conversation was about you teasing me, but it never hurt me in any way. I found you to be a very different person; you never flirted and yet kept me smiling. I thought I found a friend to count on. Someone I could ask to take me out for ice cream if I was upset. Someone I could call and cry to during my worst days, because I knew that you would just tease me in your own style and make me laugh again.

It was a blissful week, and then you disappeared from my life. I could never figure out what went wrong. Did you find out something bad about me? Did I hurt you in any way? Was I not the kind of person you expected me to be? Have you been busy? Is something going on in your life? Lots of questions on my mind but no answers. I wanted to ask you what happened, why are you gone, but couldn’t find the courage to. Maybe I just accepted your decision of leaving. Maybe I am just used to it, people coming and leaving. But it just leaves a question everytime, where did I go wrong?

Beauty and the Beast: Lessons from a Fairy tale

A story we all have heard since childhood, and believed it to be a perfect love story, a perfect fairytale with a happy ending. But this fairytale gives us many lessons apart from a happy ending. It teaches many realities of the bitter world we live in. It’s not always just the happy ending to focus on, it’s about how people perceive each other and this world according to their knowledge or negligence.

Following is a list of a few points to ponder upon:

1)      Some people are just interested in being with a person for their physical appearance. In this story, Gaston was only interested to marry Belle was because of her beauty. He had no value for the knowledge she possessed or how wise she was.

Similarly, three girls have been shown to be crazy for Gaston for his good looks, and they don’t even care how rudely he behaves with them. They just desire him for his good looks.

2)      Being selfish and self-centered is the worst a person can be. Gaston possessed these traits and what happened in the end? He was alone, his only friend left him because Gaston only cared about himself and what he wanted. He never cared that he might ruin someone’s happiness or hurt someone while chasing his desires.
Also, the prince had similar characteristics because of which he was punished and had to live as a beast for many years of his life.

3)      Even the wildest beast can be calm when treated with love and compassion. The Beast scared off everyone but Belle being courageous, stood strong and was able to turn the wild beast into a friendly, loving, playful charmer even while he still looked like a beast.

4)      When you truly love someone, keep your faith and let them go. If you have planted a seed of your love in their heart, they will come back to you.

5)      Never consider any gift as cheap or disgraceful. It can be the only thing someone can afford, or something one is giving out of pure love. The prince being his arrogant self, rejected the rose given to him which resulted in him being cursed.

6)      Whatever you do affects your close ones too, whether good or bad. Belle’s father tried stealing a rose, ultimately Belle ended up in a trap. The prince was the wrongdoer yet all those who were close to him had to suffer when he was cursed. The clock, the candle stand, the piano etc. had a strong bond with him.

7)      A girl can fall in love even with a Beast, as long as he loves her and is there to protect her in all circumstances. She doesn’t care about him being a beast, or being bad to anyone as long his heart is soft for her and cares for her.

8)      Love conquers all. The prince’s curse could have been reversed in any way but it was only love that made it possible. Why? Because anything done out of love can never go wrong. It was only love that could change the prince inside out.

When the night haunts!

Its 2 a.m, she is fighting the urge to end her life. She is looking for an escape; from her problems, from her pain, from her depression. She is thinking of options; pills, knife, bleach; lots of options to end her life but nothing to save her. She is crying her heart out, she is fighting herself. She keeps a pillow to her face and screams so no one in the house finds out her pain. But why is she doing this? Why does she feel the need to end her life?

She falls weak when she is tired of fighting. She has been fighting since years, to let the world know who she is and what she wants from life. She just wants to be trusted and someone to trust on, someone to count on. She has lots of questions she can’t find answers to. She has so many things to talk about but she is out of words. Maybe she is scared. Scared that no one wants to listen to her. Scared that no one will understand her. Scared that no one wants to be there for her. Scared that nobody really cares about her existence. Not friends, not family, no one. But why is she so scared?

She is scarred, emotionally. When that fifteen year old girl lost her father and left the country she was born and brought up in, her life tilted upside down. She had to face an abusive brother who ridiculed her for being fat, and a mother who would never stop him. Family is what we count on but when one hears harsh and abusive words from their siblings, its leaves a scar for life. No matter if the situations improve, the relations become stronger but those words remain forever.

She made friends, some of them even very close. Then why doesn’t she have anyone to talk to? Why doesn’t she have anyone to call at this hour of the night? Why can’t she trust anyone? Because she has been lied to. The friends she considered so dear have not considered her equally important. They lie to her, they cheat her, they even ruin her happiness when they find out someone is trying to make her smile.

A teacher is someone who lights a student’s life towards success and wisdom but what to do when a teacher turns out to be a ‘devil in disguise’. She trusted a teacher to be an ideal for her. She consulted him for guidance in every step, looked up to him in every situation. What did he do? Put her in a situation where she could have been sexually abused. She considered him to be a father figure. He pretended to protect her in all circumstances but who knew he would put her in such a situation. She learnt a great lesson that day; never idealize anyone, you will shatter when the truth reveals.

She wants to feel the sense of belonging. She wants someone to be there for her, to handle her in her worst and to celebrate with her when she finds those little moments of happiness. She wants someone to hug her tight when she is crying, then buy her French fries to cheer her up. She wants someone who would motivate her for what she does; her education, her independence, her helpful nature; not someone who would make her feel inferior by saying ‘oh you drive? I am sure you are pretty bad it’. She wants someone to love her soul and not her body. But she can’t find anyone, it’s too difficult for her. Why is that so?

After all the things she has gone through she finds it hard to trust anyone, and when she can’t trust anyone how can she love? She cared, she loved, she trusted; and then people made her realize that she can’t be loved, she can only be lusted. She has an attractive personality and many men approach her but neither has the intention to marry her. She just keeps thinking what those other girls do that a guy is convinced to get married. Maybe it will take her another life to learn the trick about persuading a guy for marriage and then maybe she will find someone who would love her.

A girl can conquer the world when her parents support her but the day she lost her father she lost all the support too. She wants to talk and share so much but she can’t because she knows her mother will not understand. She knows being a single parent has not been easy for her mother but all she needs is her trust. To trust her and let her fly, not to cut down her wings and cage her in the house when she is already fighting to survive. She doesn’t want that anger when she returns home a little late after work because she was out with her friends for a while. She wants a welcome hug, a feeling of concern and relaxation a mother feels when her child gets home safe. But when she sees those furious eyes, she wishes she had died before returning home. She wants her mother to understand that once in a while, it’s good to let her go and enjoy by herself. She wants to travel and explore the world, experience new things, learn the good and bad by herself. She has to live a dutiful life once she gets married, she just wants to live her happiness now. She doesn’t show her weakness because she has to be the strength of the family, the one who keeps everyone happy and smiling. She is shattered inside yet she smiles on the outside.

Maybe it’s too little to say why she landed in a depressed life. Or maybe she is too tired to write anymore, or maybe she can’t find anymore words to explain the pain she is going through. Maybe she is just scared if she tells the complete truth she will ruin her life herself. Maybe she is just scared of herself because she doesn’t know if she will be able to survive the night or not.

Why the tears?

At some point of life, every one of us has cried.  Many of us are very emotional and we cry a lot, others are stronger and have a better control over their tears. People who care about us and love us get concerned over why we cry but we are never able to give them the right answer. Often they make assumptions and then explain to us that whatever is happening is for the best and we should just accept it.

Have we ever asked ourselves why are we really crying? The answer is very simple. We cry when a situation is not according to our will.

As a child, we used to cry when we didn’t want to go to school but were forced to. We didn’t want our favorite toy to break but it happened which made us cry. We wanted to eat our favorite snack but we needed a healthier meal. We wanted to play but were forced to study. As a kid we didn’t understand the better but our parents did and hence we were forced to do something we didn’t want to. The result; crying.

Moving towards maturity, we still cry at many times. The reason is still the same but now we can’t control it anymore, in most of the situations. We failed in an exam; we didn’t want to, we were working hard, but somehow not hard enough to clear the exam. We cry, because we are scared our parents will scold us. We don’t want to be scolded, we want to be motivated, and we want to hear “no problem if you failed this time, work harder and you will pass the next exam”.

Many people even cry when they are in the wrong profession. It was not their choice, they did it out of pressure from the family. They are living a life they didn’t want, they are doing a job they don’t like but they have to. How many doctors, engineers and managers are out there who would have been happier being a painter, musician or a designer? Or how happy a dermatologist might have been being a cardiologist, but the decision to become a dermatologist had to be taken because of better opportunities in the field and better chances of earning.

When a person leaves us, or dies, it is not according to our will. It makes us cry. We didn’t want that person to leave us but we can’t make things happen according to our will. Maybe we can convince a person to come back into our life by solving problems but we cannot bring someone back from the grave. This makes us cry even more. Someone we loved so much is no more, we can’t see them, we can’t touch them, we can’t talk to them; this helpless thought keeps the tears flowing.

When a girl gets married and has to leave her home, she cries. She doesn’t want to go, she wants to stay with her parents, her siblings, in her room, with her favorite food and movies. She wants that liberty she has at her parent’s house. Her family cries because they don’t her want to leave as well, but they are forced by the norms of society.

When a person is angry and not talking to us, we often cry. We don’t want that person’s anger, we didn’t mean to hurt them. We do or say things that are the real us, which hurts the other person and then they ignore us and we cry. Considering the person’s importance in our life we decide not to say or do those things again. In other words we decide not to be ourselves.

When we cry we convince ourselves to accept the situation, no matter how against it is to us. People who don’t cry are better at accepting and submitting towards the needs of society and family. They accept that they cannot take the situation into control and they have to do whatever they are forced to. They have been taught not to fight for themselves and to accept the decisions imposed on to them but at times, the very difficult times, even they cry. They cry because on the inside, they wish they had the power to control the situations in their lives and be happy the way they wish to be.

Where does the happiness lie?

We all feel hopeless at some time of the day, week or the month. We find it hard to smile, to love ourselves, to love others, to stay happy and find a reason to love life. No matter what, we just can’t find the courage to smile. It feels like there is a burden, someone pressing hard against the chest and stopping us from being happy or smiling.

In this difficult situation, we never understand that it’s actually the little things that help us get out of that phase. A few encouraging words by someone, maybe a good morning message, a cup of tea with a friend, seeing the sunset by the sea, reading a favorite book, cuddling with your favorite person while watching a movie, a scoop of ice cream, a bucket of French Fries, a playful time with your pet, coloring, painting, listening to your favorite old song during a long drive, an unexpected chocolate received, an unexpected hug by a loved one, a kiss by an adorable kid. We seem to expect something big and life changing to get us out of an upset phase and start smiling again.

We forget being thankful; to our creator as well as towards the people in our lives. We lack gratitude in our lives that makes us blind from the little pleasures that surround us. These minor things are not just needed to be delighted but these are the exact moments where true happiness lies.